I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
