i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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