Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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