If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I supernannyed him into submission
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
