he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
