Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
