I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We need a shit load of segways right now
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
