i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
