I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
