I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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