So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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