Betty ford says i'm here all night
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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