so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
