i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
