Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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