It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This baby is an asshole
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
