I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
