I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
