Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
