Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
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By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
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I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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