i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
