I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
false alarm, still single
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
