I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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