I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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