Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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