What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
