I hope mine doesn't look like that
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
