remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just cropdusted the office
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
