the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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