Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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