so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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