I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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