Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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