man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
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A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
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We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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