Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Even my vagina gasped.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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