Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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