we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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