hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
