don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
