It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
