Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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