Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
