Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
