return my video game
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
