R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
