Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
