awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
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I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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