allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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