Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
