Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
