I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't deserve a penis
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
