i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
