I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
