My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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