so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
