I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
