if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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