the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
