the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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