you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
