I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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