Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
