guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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