you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Are my feet made of real feet?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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