he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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