im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
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