Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
