we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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