Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
