So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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