My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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