just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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