She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
